Dual....:-)
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
