Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
