You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is Oprah even human
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
