If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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