I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
