at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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