I'm jealous of your bromance
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
