We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
