the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
