Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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