i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
