It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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