Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
