you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize