He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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