I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
