Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
