Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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