I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
