Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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