I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
