i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
