I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
