Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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