It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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