how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
