come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
