Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
