Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
