I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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