you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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