Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
