That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
