we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
