Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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