nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
