i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
