Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
