she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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