take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
