this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
