my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
