If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
God, I missed his penis.
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