Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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