Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
