how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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