Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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