Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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