There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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