i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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