if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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