I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
