I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
