Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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