I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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