so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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