In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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