the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Green mimosas i think yes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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