Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
