Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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