New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
