oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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