one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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