...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
