I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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