i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
