can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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