wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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