I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
