she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
