this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
