You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I look better un-naked...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
