I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
