No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
