Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
