pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
