i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
