Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
