I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
