Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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