i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
