i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
