You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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