I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
