What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
