Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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