im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
