am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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