idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
MIDGETS
????
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
