Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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