I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
