the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
