A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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