He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
