Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
