just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
