I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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