Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize