Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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