What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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