Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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