ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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