if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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